We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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