also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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