everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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