I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
