Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize