we're blogging at a bar
Jerry, you need to find god
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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