My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
