My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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