"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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