I looked at my own cervix.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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