whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
