Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
