I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
