hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
