remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
