The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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