I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize