Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
