Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
