do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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