Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
