I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
