i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
