did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
