I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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