wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
