Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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