I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
