The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we're making bets on your personal life
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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