Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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