hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
