I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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