Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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