i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
