Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
