please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
