Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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