1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
