if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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