giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
