How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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