I smell stomach acid.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Randomize
