Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
