My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
