Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
