Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
