ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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