It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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