Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
