Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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