sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
