porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
