Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
