You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize