They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
PANTIES FOUND
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
