DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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