she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she pinky promised me she was 18
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
