Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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