you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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