'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize