Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he puts the penis in happiness.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
