like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
smell my finger.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
