she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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