how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
