I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
