you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
