I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
