my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
