I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
soo... how was my night?
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