We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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