I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
