There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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