She's JV to your varsity
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
