I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
