i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize