Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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