She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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