In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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