I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
