Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
