just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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