Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How external is "for external use only"?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
