Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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