It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
