Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
