just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
